He introduced her to the DMA meeting by saying: in the past few years i've never seen someone work so hard for so little success
Only at my house do scrabble games turn into fist fights. I won though... the fight not the board game.
I'll be waiting for you under the stairs with peanut butter and tequila ... Don't tell the neighbors
hey you didnt make it to our afterparty what happened?
Ran around with a boom box broke a trampoline float, had a girl lick my ear the usual
I want him to get the hint. I sent 4 texts that only said "sex."
i have a wrist watched drawn on my wrist that it says shot o clock
As I climbed in the bathroom window from the room I noticed both him rommates staring and talking about me in the hall...
Oh my Christ. I just came so hard my penis stood back up and took a bow afterwards. I need Thai food.
I've honestly never felt so much emotion towards a wall
Just used the handle end of a spatula to get the baggie of coke wedged between my passenger seat. Innovation points?
I'm ordering dildos in a santa hat. You?
I'm gonna play eenie meenie at the bar tonight because it's women's day and I deserve the dick
I just jerked him off with one hand while holding my wine glass with the other and watching Congo. I feel like this was a preview to my married life...
I made it 1 week... 5 business days at my new job before sleeping with my coworker.
Guy peeing and puking at the same time in the women's restroom? So impressed that I can't be offended
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