then my best friend's brother, boyfriend, and future bro in law showed up at the bar. they asked who i was there with. didn't know if "a 40 year old man" or "my 5th grade teacher" was better answer.
So you know how craigslist used to have an "erotica" section? And how after you click on a link it changes a darker color? And how Dad stays up really late most nights?
Oh god... well at least he's gettin some. Mom's a prude.
Was just grinding with my bio TA. She asked why i wasnt studying
so went to the condom shack today. bought a condom that dresses up your dick in a suit...tomorrow im fucking in style
your dad made us margaritas and breakfast on the morning. I think it's safe to say he relives his glory days through us
Second night back. Go to house party and played ring of fire. Me plus five other people completely naked. College wins.. It's going to be a long semester
It's like hey here is one penis enjoy nothing but that for the rest of your life
My New Years Resolution is to get everyone to start talking like a 40 year old douchebag. From now on, you will only refer to me as Chief.
If you think for one second that I would forget Mardi Gras, you clearly don't know how much I love boobs.
Shame?!? Shame only comes from getting naked in front of strangers and it not being awesome
I need a costume
Dude just wear a bra or something hahaha
Lesbians had sex in my bed last night. It's a thing of pride
Just wanted to share my unfortunate vagina news in the hopes that it would make your vagina feel better about itself.
Come to my place after work and we can discuss our finances over a coors delight and a fire ball shot
I didn't have any choice but to cuddle you. Your hair was stuck on my nipple piercing.
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