are you serious? he told me he had to cancel bc his grandma came into town
well unless his grandma is 21 and blonde, HE LIED TO YOU IDIOT
The guy drove to our house at 6am to sell us weed. Now that's customer service.
my cup is half full, half full of rum.
No, i know about the eggs and penis, the oh wow was for the fire
four loko is officially banned. leave it to the kids from a state school to fuck it up for everyone
I just got licked by a stripper, not so great anymore.
so now that i'm sober i just want to apologize for violating your back seat...... on a brighter note thank you for playing the little mermaid song "kiss the girl," really set the mood.
After I gave him a handjob for a half an hour he told me I should be a taxidermist. I'm gonna take it as a compliment.
The only responsible thing ive done in vegas is shower and that was onky to clean vomit off me
You puked on my feet last night. You owe me a pedicure.
Last night I had sex with one of the groomsmen I was in the wedding with. In a stairwell. 13 years my senior. Thinking I should retire from the bridesmaid gig.
Yes she was blowing me but I couldnt see her face. The only light was from the sparklers she asked me to hold. I love 4th of July.
Gotta get new sheets. ..I fucked the satin off mine.
Do you remember me asking for jerk off videos from Tinder guy?
Nah I don't remember that being part of the criteria
on a scale from 1 to "can't put a toothbrush in your mouth without gagging" how hungover are you?
Randomize
