He asked to "fluff my boner.."
it's a well known fact that sluts are attracted to bright colors
american apparel?
try lime green
You yelled "bananas are an excellent source of pottasium!"4 times in the middle of class. how do you not remember?
I don't even know what potassium is.
You woke up in the middle of the night and told me we won the sweepstakes, the penis sweepstakes.
Ive been using palmolive to shower with for he last week, dont tell me about not having money. Im heading to the bar r u going.
Woke up with a migrane, threw up blood, then my headache went away. I'm going to convince myself that it was just a bad batch of blood so I can drink again tonight
He told me he breastfed 'til he was six. That explains the obsession with me getting fake tits. Is it a red flag?
Yea I saw a friend of yours carrying your limp body somewhere
Either I'm too drunk or she gave me a hand job to the rhythm of jingle bells.
Finally hooked up with her. She bought me tacos after because "she can do better in a bed". You're gonna be my best man.
I don't think it counts as a booty call at 6:30 pm.
Sigh. I haven't seen a dick since August 22nd. And in case you forgot, it's January.
I smell like playdoh, sex, and ruined lives. I love the weekend
Like tbh you're not doing anything that screams I'm drunk and yet nothing says I'm going to spend $30 on McDonalds and make out with a stranger like that picture
I made out with him in the club and he endorsed me on Linkedin. My networking skills are off the charts.
Randomize
