ok i'm going to motor boat your sister now. ttyl
The Wii Fit is already telling me I'm an alcoholic.
thursday was literally the first time i didnt drunk eat since the bush administration and it was only because i was fucking someones boyfriend. making a mental note to do that more often.
She threw up in my garbage can last night and walked home with it this morning so she could clean it out...
She is dropping it off on the way to the bar at 7.
He just made a mudslide using rubinoff and swiss miss packets. This can't end well....
Honestly, your dog is in better hands with that homeless guy.
I don't know but the stairs are covered in apples
i can now proudly say that ive peed off of a balcony overlooking the pacific ocean AND a balcony overlooking the atlantic ocean
Im wearing all my glow sticks to bed so i know where my arms are at all times.
Sorry, I was unaware dragging you upstairs for sex was such an awful thing.
Still breathing?
Still breathing , but quite out of it. I think I hallucinated like 20 action sequences.
What.
Makes sense. My grandma just did this shot. MY FAMILY KICKS ASS.
Turns out I hooked up with a chick who has lupus. I don't know if that's a bucket list thing or not, but it's now on mine. Check.
B. I found a note on my phone and all it says is 'Fuck yeah im a racecar'
I'm pretty sure I broke my breathalyzer by breathing vaporized vodka into it.
Randomize
