Dude that chick in the corner just threw up
Hot
That explains waking up with one hand in the toilet and the other in the trash can
It was like good, clean fun, but with bodyshots.
Saw a guy throw up on himself while walking, drinking, and singing all at the same time. Hope your night is going better than his :)
Annabeth just got on the bar and slurred something about how she was worried that when she started dating you your penis wouldnt fit. You are one lucky bastard my friend.
My hope for you over spring break is that you can be some disease free girl's random spring break mistake.
The little girl I babysit saw pink plastic shot glasses in my car and asked what they were for and I told her they were princess teacups.
Most men with as many freckles as you aren't vagina magnets. You are an exception to your kind.
My dad's girlfriend is driving through the snow to bring me my purple haze. If he doesn't wife her up, we have a bigger issue on our hands.
Yeah he drove 30 minutes at 3 AM to come fuck me in my neighbors treehouse
Never admit to being cold at those things. That is how you end up waking up the next morning naked under animal pelts... or so I have heard.
So, I ran into Garrett last night in the laundry room.
Oh really? First post break-up run in. How'd it go? Awkward?
Um. We had sex on a washing machine.
I'm still here... I feel so bad wearing your mom's cardigan at a strip club 🙈
I’m a go ahead and fuck down ATL. So when I leave in January I’ll have no regrets.
i just turned on my printer and found 10 pounds of german chocolate inside. i think i found where you hid your candy last night
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