I DID IT WITH MY SOCKS ON!
dude we were spooning naked in bed with her ass in my crotch. she sharted in her sleep all over my dick.
I don't know where I am, but I'm drinkin & I like these people
Jenna and Ryan are ranting and raving about child custody. MY VASECTOMY SMILES.
I FUCKING SERVED PEOPLE AND POURDED JUGS AND GOT FREE BEEEEEEEERERTERRY
We bought home drug tests to see which of us could make it look more like a kaleidoscope. What happened to the days of innocent fun trying to best everyone with a breathalyzer?
it would be a downgrade if your vagina tasted like skittles
Im gonna wear a random assortment of things for Halloween, guy with the most creative answer gets laid
No memories of receiving this. Or of getting home. Or of apparently developing a taste for marmalade, which I assume is yours because I have literally never eaten it before. It's all over the kitchen. And my phone. And in my hair. Oh god I wish I wasn't on the train to work. X And sorry about the kitchen x
I knew I was in trouble when she kept referring to the next day as things we should do
So you brought her to my house and left her on my couch.
So his 25th anniversary post of love to his wife was almost verbatim what he said to me last week. Does that mean I win or lose?
If there was a card that said "I'm sorry for throwing up on your bathroom counter" I would send it to you.
I don't think "growing medical marijuana" is Quite what my Grandfather had in mind when he thought me about gardening as a child
Stop fucking Sharon's exes.
Sorry it took me so long to reply. I was fucking Sharon's ex.
I’m never getting home or fucked or eating hot Taco Bell fml
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