the guy in front of me just bought a pound of bacon, a bouquet, and a case of budlight, i want to see THAT makeup sex
I made out with the bride. You tell me how my night was
We all have our weaknesses that drive us crazy. We happen to have one in common, 21 year olds. Your secrets safe. Touch his penis.
Well after last night I am convinced he is real life Tyler Durden. He only exists to me and somehow keeps me out of jail this entire time
It was the night of "what the fuck have you done with my daughter and where is she" texts from mom...
that was THE gayest party i've ever been to
To be fair, the theme was Cabaret. I don't know what you were expecting.
Milk that cash cow for all the shots she's worth
Well I'm glad your Saturday night went a lot better than mine. I spent mine crying in a McDonald's parking lot.
My bed smells like the plague
My ex-wife, who I haven't heard from since the divorce, just Amazoned me cherry flavored massage oil and a rainbow caps with the message "Happy Pride". What's the polite response?
Went upstairs to make PopTarts, found the door open. Shut it. Saw a grey thing. Opened the door, found a girl sleeping outside. What the fuck happened last nigh
We made out in front of everyone INCLUDING his girlfriend. And no one saw. THAT DRUNK!
He wanted me to do the rubix cube. He thought it was hot.
That moment when you’re at the doctor to give a sperm sample you’re only getting 3G so the porn is buffering
CTFD. There’s plenty of dick in the sea! This is Vegas, we import dick. \nWorst case scenario we get a rental penis
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