Remember that night when i almost got you arrested? Is that funny yet?
So tired and we had a cokehead in the salon today making us bleach her whole head because she thought it would let her pass her drug test for custody of her kid
Oh.My.God.
She announced her abortion via fbk
Oh and discovery of the day is it's the channel, not the time on your cable box. Thought it was 2:16 for 4 hours
I am drinking ovaltine with peppermint schnapps. My childhood could have been so much better.
well i was about to unbutton his pants but then i realized they had an elastic waste-band, so no, that didnt happen
The girl in the white might have stds. I'm strangely okay with this.
I just realized i came back home with my lei that one night. How do i forget my bra but remember my lei?
asked the girl next to us on line to take a picture of us and she shared her bacardi. i love white people.
oh come on since when have relationships been boundary lines for us
fair point
Anyhow, I am sorry for being obnoxious about wanting more sex and forcing you to eat lunchmeat off of my ginormous nipples. I knew that you weren't going to succumb to my pushy demands
Needless to say, I woke up on the bathroom floor wearing the dress that my mom wore to the wedding. That open bar stole my soul.
We both know we're cheating on one another. But our side pieces aren't as kinky as us...so yeah, we're still together. This is a fucked up relationship.
You're the only guy I know who could convince a lady at the pharmacy to trade you her pain pills for your antibiotics.
You may be fancy. But you'll never be having cheesy garlic bread and scotch at 3am fancy.
Randomize
