True story: Just left my solo cup on a cop car. Yesss
so I finished the entire bottle...next thing I know, it's 8 am and I wake up on the fucking beach in the low tide with a family standing about 30 feet from me just staring.
Only mom could turn an abortion day into a shopping day
Just got my cast off. My occupational therapist wants me to self-gratify. My clit is about to have an awesome weekend...
It was kind of like a train wreck, except alcohol would have improved the situation greatly.
It's a gift. Kind of like morning wood in my brain.
Vaginas creep me out. I'm disgusted by the look of them. I wonder if this is what having an ugly baby is like: you have to take care of it and love it but it just hurts you on the inside to look at it.
I'm thinking he has to buy me dinner at least twice before i even start considering casting him for "Fuck buddy - understudy."
He's living a porn movie. He's slept with a waitress at her work for lunch, a bar tender at the bar that night, and the cleaning lady the next morning.
Found my ex-boyfriend's money stash. Call the girls, we are getting fucked up tonight, my treat.
I think I fucked up my elbow when I tried to fight off the paramedics.
Every time you talk about your facial hair I immedately get horny
HE WAS SUPPOSED TO BE THE TROPHY HUSBAND! I WAS GOING TO BE THE SUCCESSFUL ONE!
you gave me money for the cab and then walked home..
we had to follow your trail of clothes to find you.......
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