but why does your life always sound like the plot of a porn?
Just promise me you won't ring in the new decade by clutching onto a toilet
my professor just said "the power of the situation"
drink
drunk me is my new role model. he's fearless. like not even afraid of tornadoes.
I'd invite him but there's too many people who have fucked me going already
This is a mass text. Surprise drug testing at work today. Either I've finally got to fuck my boss or I've got to quit to make this all go away. Please respond with option a or b.
you called me in the middle of the night, wandering the streets, in search of "the ultimate burrito"
Parents weekend was a success.
Yeah, I guess so if you consider being arrested and having your parents bail you out a success...
Bail could have come out of your pocket so yes, I think we were financially responsible this weekend.
Is it love? I honestly haven't even thought about watching porn for over a week now, and haven't thought about fucking any strangers either. It's quite eerie.
E drugging s springing. Ease dnt Kate. To t e. ess e I meant thou.
When you see a guy in a wheelchair try to be cool and pop a wheelie, and then fall over backward and hit his head, is it funny or sad?
So this tall girl jumped in our cab and I was like hey I have pics of u on my phone. It wasn't creepy at all
Now go get drunk with your fam and get back into ur christmas groove. No time for gonnorhea
Waking up naked and dehydrated has become a regular occupancy for me.
Wait you took his virginity AND broke his bed doing it
I know! I’m the best!
Randomize
