Should I have kids to fix a relationship??
moral of the story: I'm going to stab everyone
Girl farted next to me in class and then denied my high five
Okay well someone asked "IS HE HOMELESS?" about me so I need to try and find somebody.
I can't tell which way is up. Too many corners around his house too. An arbitary assimilation of edges.
Christ, I swear you are the high man's Dr. Seuss.
wanna tell me why theres a glass of water stuffed with tamptons in the freezer?
High school girls are buying me shots. This will not end well.
That gas station is used for only two things, picking up moonshine and getting murdered. Only two outcomes.
Dude. Once again. Cleaning house. Found weed I hid from myself a month ago. Celebrating/testing it out. if i dont text back in 10, call dominos.
I couldn't do it. You can't break up after that many orgasms. It's physically impossible.
You told me you were with a dog dressed as a taco, and it was the only one you trusted
every day is bullshit and fuck everyone. That's my motto for the week
I LinkedIn messaged people about jobs when I was blacked out
I peed in my closet, which at the time looked like a sparkly bathroom...
Pro: 2020 made it easier to hook up with strippers
Con: explaining to Kari why there’s always strippers at our house
Pro: there’s always strippers at our house
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