There's this guy beside me dancing with this girl with no panties on. When I looked at him he said he's babysitting his bestfriend's girlfriend since he can't come out.
What a good friend
Midgets have it so easy. They have so much less leg area to shave.
Id like to know where dora the explorers parents are when she goes on all these crazy ass adventures
i think i recognize dicks better than faces
If I have to go to the hospital can we stop by the liquor store on the way?
dude they had a "sorry for partying" wall in their house which consisted if all the hospital bills, tickets, detox receipts and court orders they've gotten. The ENTIRE wall was covered.
Ive yelled into your vagina. There are few lines we haven't crossed at this point.
it took us a while to figure out sex on a tire swing, buuuuuuuut MISSION ACCOMPLISHED
May or may not have been going down the road shooting fireworks.
Thanks for coming over. I'm sorry everyone else was vomiting. Thank you for not vomiting. I love you.
You're like a human soul vacuum cleaner.
Yeah! Just remind me to. I'll also bring the blow up penis
And for some reason every time I get drunk I just want to tell you that I have a mini secret personal fan club of your dick
should i feel bad about fucking you on my front lawn the day before you set me up with your best friend?
Highlight your past hook-ups. You've been stabbed, shot at, run over, and chased down the road...no you can't bring new bar bitch over here!
Dude she has a friend!!!!
Randomize
