I woke up this morning with "guy in polar bear j.crew boxers" written on my stomach along with a 5 digit phone number...
i just walked passed a table of guys by myself.. they looked @ me talked and then yelled 7
id pin you as more of an 8
No idea how i never noticed that penis before. I wonder if it works
I don't know how to say this, but I think you're a fucking bitch and the sooner you die I'll be happier.
Sorry- wrong number! :)
Vibrator and massage oils got stopped at security. Super.
After all you put him through, I think it was only right that you saluted the bartender when you left.
Some girl, somewhere, is going to wake up with my face paint on her vagina
Pretty sure I recall hugging our waiter from the bar last night. That also means we are NEVER going there again
I'm at a bar where I literally walked in to the bathroom and some chick told me to never go to San Joaquin state pen
That basically sounds like the worst party of my life, and I'm including my brother's World of Warcraft themed birthday party.
He passed out in the car on the way to the party. Seabiscuit tripped before the race even started....Lil bitch....
I sat on his face and watched Mean Girls. It was a good date.
They already have a joint checking account. She's got his balls in her purse! What's next, a shared Facebook account?
it's like the easy bake oven version of plastic surgery
What were you even doing out there at 2 a.m.?
Look, i had a gallon of lemonade, a pack of smokes and a Darth Vader voice changer. What did you EXPECT me to do?
Randomize
