Do I give off a "I have a sex tape" vibe???
you kept trying to make scrambled eggs with 3 hardboiled ones.
When she can manipulate the direction of her leg hair, you know its time to leave
I wish I had a frozen water bed.
best. idea. ever.
All I know is for some reason I was sitting naked in the hallway playing an invisible ukulele singing somewhere over the rainbow. I wonder why security came.
I honestly wish you had parked the car in the terminal garage and fucked me in the backseat but I guess I should be more forward
Did I change midway through last night?
Seven times. The most notable outfits were UFC Fighter and Top Hat Viking
I slept with him that night and I'm not sure if my lack of enthusiasm was obvious but I found him eating ice cream in the bathtub the next morning. Mom will be so proud.
It's a good cause. For your vagina.
Looked for my lighter in the console and found more tampons. Seriously. You're like a squirrel prepping for a hard winter. A menstruating squirrel.
Would it be weird if your parents sold me weed?
Ways to ruin a one night stand: the guy finds your parenting magazine on your dorm room desk.
Apparently I blacked out and started wrestling with some dude last night. Just found out I might have dislocated his shoulder. Best part: he still wants to bone me
I'm gonna watch porn and nap. I think I really have this Valentine's Day thing down
My six-margarita-deep ass just used a blow torch to light the match that lit my bong pack. Peak single 🤦ðŸ¼â€â™€ï¸
Randomize
