nothing this campus sells is worth it. not even sex.
the best part was when he threw his debit card on the table, looked at everyone and said "turn this into pizza!" It felt like a scene in a 'coming of age' teen comedy.
Ok I won't set anything on fire if you wear pants all night. This is a bet we're both destined to lose.
That's ok. Our relationship has a solid foundation of booze and questionable behavior.
I can't decide who is the bigger alcoholic: you for opening that bottle of wine just now or me for hearing it in the other room over the air conditioner
im sober
you just pulled your sweatpants out of your bag and thanked them for being alive
I'm worried my skin won't stretch enough to handle this boner. Then what?
Which outfit says "I'm sorry for your loss but we're still banging later"?
Maybe you can hide out somewhere she would never go. Like a counseling center or AA
I only listened to his story about leaving the Amish community because I was hoping for a free drink
I thought he put a fake swan in my yard, but no, he put a real life swan in my yard
Me hangover (as projected). That sounds like a plan. Ill do it for Mexico
I am the girl who goes to bed with her make-up on so that she doesn't have to fully redo it in the morning. I am obviously not ready to be a mother.
How does that even work?
Drunkenly tried to auction off Merik's pancakes at Ihop. Apparently I make a great auctioneer. Also, no one wants 30 cent pancakes.
did i just see you in the movie theater carrying a margarita into Frozen?
All the 6 year olds are jealous of my alcohol
Randomize
