I was so drunk last night I wanted to download a Busta Rhymes album.
I think you came in my ear last night and I had to pick it out infront of my kids in class today
Okay you totally passed out. Ask me about the bike parking garage and the expired baby formula in the morning.
We did lines off of a Whitney Houston CD case. That makes everything okay.
It was around the time I started requesting "big girl straws" from the bartender for my jack and diets, that I knew I'd probably wake up with my sunglasses on and find my wallet in the shower.
Ha ha. You should see the things I'm doing to my body at Bob Evans.
"Bring the kids" is the most terrifying 3 words I've ever heard in my life.
The creepiest man is serenading me at the bar right now. I had about a quarter of a drink left and the bartender just walked over and filled it with vodka and walked away laughing.
Yeah bunch of crazy shit... Makes you wonder how anyone found someone before tinder
The date went significantly better after the fifth shot of fireball.
I knew he was a classy dude because when I told him my name was Jen he said "Gin? Like Gin & Juice?"
Dude, he turned on “London Bridge” by Fergie and GAVE ME A LAP DANCE.
I miss your drunken presence, and strong odor of hard liquor and potent weed.
I've been drunk texting you for weeks, and you watched me puke outside your house... I say it's time we meet in person.
The cop was standing next to me when I texted "haha" to your phone...didn't realize that he had taken it already...
Randomize
