At least make sure they are 18
Why
weed, chlorine, and victory. my bed smells like i had sex with michael phelps.
My vagina has become a graveyard for my brother's friendships...
He took the bartender's challenge and took a Jello shot with a tarantula frozen inside.
I would lick a homeless mans crack teeth for a cup of coffee right now.
My birthday is in 11 days. Going ham. Consciousness will not be an option
Find a vagina and bring it to me. Like feeding a tiger.
Last thing I remember is ranting about hating pants. Woke up this morning pants less. Couldn't find them, decided to leave. Driving without pants is surprisingly liberating.
Balls deep in an Orange is the New Black marathon. Bring food and drugs.
Mom called last night while I was at the bar and asked where I was. I told her I was on the highway to the danger zone while the guys were humming the top gun theme.
Reason # 294827284949272 i could never be a cop. I would just shoot. All the time. Ppl. Animals. Inanimate objects. Air.
My vagina has a heartbeat. That means I'm in love, right?
The Dick I got last night was so phenomenal that I had to take a fucking personal day today.
i feel as though me waking up and asking her if i went to the hospital was a sign that i was not okay
Who knew removing piercings would be so radical?
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