Went home with a 29 year old from the bar. Life lesson: 9 year olds stay up late sometimes
Hashbrowns don't come out your nose as easily as you would think
Some ambulance just rolled up to this bar and this girl just hops out of the back and walks inside
It's only been a week and i've already broken my no summer randoms rule twice.
Made fish tank punch. It's like trash can punch but in a fish tank. Also, my dad saw a picture I uploaded on Facebook and called me a pussy for only making 10 gallons.
So I passed out with my boxers on in the hotel jacuzzi at 5am.. The manager who kicked me out was pretty cute so I left my name and number for her at the front desk. I'm giving it a 50/50 she calls.
he has decreed that i can sleep with anyone who has the same name as him. line up all the toms
Who knows. I'd probably only get a makeout with an OTPHJ from her so the return on sexual investment from her isn't looking that great.
She told me to pick her up in the corner of shame and self-disgust.
I'm high, watching "Scream" and eating a grilled cheese sandwich off my boobs. I'm not going anywhere
Come on, clusterfuck. Put on a pushup bra and get your fine ass to the bar, or you will be a sad single stoner forever
He gave me a script of norcos and touched my balls so overall it's been a good day.
Yes, you can go into Petsmart drunk but the cats awaiting adoption don't appreciate the soft pretzels squeezed through their cages.
He forehead kissed me AND THEN asked what I was thinking. I'm taking away his man card.
Anytime you wish.we are doing double shots in the kitchen,and I drank a beer in the shower,so...the sooner you get here,the sooner you can get on our level.
There is way too much butt cleavage here for a formal event.
Randomize
