hey, do you know how many packets of jello it takes to turn a handle of vodka into slutty girls?
Totally using formspring as an incognito way of making sure that girl from last night wasn't jailbait.
Im the macgyver of cooling down beers. The toilet tank was blocked so I couldn't use it.....
Nothing is better than seeing someone you fucked go to the Olympics. I feel so American.
margarita monday on the first day back? my gpa is telling me noo! but my heart is telling me goo! I am conflicted..
I'm not trying to be dramatic but if someone makes you choose between getting a Brazilian or dying. For the sake of your sanity just fucking die
Just casually ripping a bowl in the chicken coop, with the chickens. NBD
If I don't get my shit together, I'm going to be one of those really fucked up cases on 1000 ways to die
Can we go one day without you telling me that your dick misses me
I didn't want to hook up with him so I just jumped out of bed, yelled "I don't even believe in god!" and ran out of the room
BRING KITTENS I AM A GENIUS
Her ex was at the party her housemates were having. He knocked on her door asking how she was while we were going at it. Turns out they were trying to work things out. Don't think I'll ever forget his face when we walked out of her room.
i just love the holidays, i hotboxed a gingerbread house last night
You're either getting fucked or a coupon to Friendly's. I haven't decided yet.
My New Years resolution is actually to be MORE petty
Randomize