and those juicy C cups turned out to be oddly-shaped A's when her padded bra came off.
My niece just threw up all over me. My sister's breastmilk was on my face. This is like a fucked-up porno gone terribly wrong.
Just got done reading an 11 page essay for class. Took me three fucking days and the only thing I have highlighted is the name "Alexander Cockburn"
there is way too much butter on my body for this to be okay
The swelling on my elbow and tongue means I may have cockblocked myself.
90% sure you snuck in there somewhere, all I really remember is big boobs in my face so I'm assuming it was you.
I mass texted 4 of you for a booty call. Please reply all when responding so only one of you shows up. Last one is a rotten egg.
I think the last straw was when you put on ice skates to go across the waxed wooden floor.
This is the fourth day in a row I've walked outside in the same pajamas. I think the neighbors have finally given up on judging me.
I bet yours is gonna be filled with secret innuendo.
secret innuendo and cervical punches to the world.
Her instagram is literally selfies, cats, and guys she's fucked.
He wants to buy us a microwave. Clearly the man is going to fix my life.
Today, I lack passion for anything but Taco Tuesday.
I’M PUT OFF FROM FOOD RN BC EARLIER I GOT SOME WATER AND I WAS 4 SIPS IN WHEN I NOticed A FUCKING BURGER KING F R Y IN MY D R I N K
I think its a little fucked up she invited you to her wedding, are you going?
There is a lot of acid in my drugs right now
....ill put you down as a no then
Randomize
