Don't make out with my wife yet
he also called and said i only cheated on you 8 times but they were all trannies
and someone in the background yelling "one was fat so that counts as one and a half"
I got three cases. When they asked for id I said it was suspended for drunk driving.
bouncer thought i was tryin to get the license plate numbers of strippers to stalk them. I had to go show him where I threw up to get back in.
lets just say that i have already today: gotten drunk, got in a fight, got stranded an hour away from home, found a ride, sobered up, and slept. woken back up, and here i am. its been a long day. Day drinking is bad for friendships.
When you see a guy in a wheelchair try to be cool and pop a wheelie, and then fall over backward and hit his head, is it funny or sad?
She's just done the monthly not prego dance around our kitchen
hes fine. but he did fall asleep while tebowing and started snoring
Relaxed was like phase 1 of this phase 7 high
I'm just gonna eat nachos and wine fruit forever.
I feel like I beer bonged a ton of asbestos
Listening to The Little Mermaid soundtrack should cure my drunkeness right?
so is it socially acceptable to send her an "i got my man back you whore" card?
Beard. Chest hair. Job.
The holy trinity.
Apparently i disappeared and no one found me until the morning , but i have fifty missed calls
Randomize
