what do kids with lesbian moms do for father's day? like do you talk about it? is it awkward? do you get the butchy mom a card?
PS- did you die? If you did just text "dead" to me, so that I know.
I woke up to the bathroom door of steak n shake hitting me in the face at 4 in the morning...
Last night I walked out of the bar got in a cab asked the cabi to circle the block. he did and brought me right back to the bar. I paid him $7 thanked him and walked back into the bar.
She said, "I don't really go out much, but my husband recently cheated on me" and I don't remember anything after that.
bitch got booty called while we were making out. and then she actually left.
your love of good penises attached to ugly faces is disgusting and slightly disturbing.
You know you're baked when you feel your throat closing up from an allergic reaction to the pecans in the cookie you're eating but you keep eating the damn cookie.
I woke up in an apt hallway this morning and a nice lady brought me coffee cause she thought I was homeless
Mate, you pissed in my bed. Then told me to "Just keep swimming"
I was just wicked nice to a telemarketer... that's how stoned this woman got me.
Every FB picture she has looks like it's from the POV of the guy she's blowing
He just pulled his sweatpants down and pissed in the middle of our garden
I am dancing alone in my bathroom because I was paranoid the neighbors were watching through the windows
I'm sorry you had to knock him out on your birthday. But that also means I won the bet that you'd hit someone so you owe me 40. dollars
Randomize
