shouldn't i get a discount if shes pregnant?
i woke up to her playing with my penis. just wiggling it around and around. awkward night? i would say so.
you really should stop posting my phone number on craigslist as tranny seeking tranny, last night i answered at family dinner and almost choked on my hot dog
do you not see the irony in that??
I am telling you that nothing wakes you up like stomach acid exiting your nostrils at 10AM
She just sucked the buffalo sauce out of my beard. I've never been so disgusted and hard in my life.
there are people swimming in the fountain next to the library... hello senior week
they lined up to high five me when i got taken out by the stretcher. The paramedic high fived them too
That just sounds like a recipe for sex in my backyard. Yes.
Come get her ASAP. She's "people bowling," which is just her rolling into random groups of people. People look pissed.
I knew I was in trouble when she kept referring to the next day as things we should do
So you brought her to my house and left her on my couch.
I also point out to everyone that she looks like DJ's gf on Roseanne.
so apparently last weekend we taught the mascot how to shotgun beers. am i winning college yet?
Uhm I have a bottle of tequila, a gallon of orange juice, and leggings. Now ask me again how hard im going? And that doesn't cover tomorrow.
Can u pick me up? Lost my keys.
Sure. FYI- you "lost" them on the roof, trying to throw them over the house.
How I know I've been single too long: I'm reveling in finding out my taken friends are being tragically dumped
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