exactly what part of this weekend seemed like a good idea?
I may or may not have slept in someones apt on your street because they told me I was fun sized like a mini snickers
God. I look like such a fucking stand up guy wearing polo shirts. You would totally trust me not to date rape you.
checking your phone to see who you drunk dialed last night isnt as funny when you see you had a 17 minute call to your dad.
about to tell this girl that sh'es my teenage dream. you have 15.358s to stop me.
Interesting preview of what next year will be like. Side note, missing a chunk of flesh from my middle finger.
She kept chasing him yelling thief, because he drank some of her drink. That was at 8, it got worse.
I always have trouble explaining my life decisions to people over the age of 30.
you never texted me what you wanted from the store so I got a piece of chicken and bottle of tequila. if you want anything else you are on your own.
FRIENDSHIP PRAYER: May the crabs of 1,000 whores infest the crotch of the person who fucks up your day
If your mother gets up on the bar again, I will. The bouncer already had a talk with her earlier.
Try eating a sub blackout with your uncle. It's not easy ok
You need to stop telling people you gained weight over the holidays. You've been fat since July.
I'm just so full of love and alcohol
I shaved my asshole for this. That's real dedication.
Randomize
