so you masturbated because Oprah told you?
I had to write an apology letter to security guards in the hotel so I didnt get kicked out
Things I can say. There is a photo of me pouring whipped cream into a midgets mouth.
I wiped my mouth this morning with a pine tree branch after I threw up on the side of the road. Tis the season
You have to keep an eye on her tonight cause you know how she likes to pickpocket people when she's drunk.
Are you complaining because you're getting too much sex to find the time to masturbate?
Well, when you say it like that it sounds silly.
I just saw a douchebag with frosted tips & a LaCoste polo with popped collar driving a Call of Duty edition Jeep. It was a cavalcade of stereotypes.
YOU CAN'T JUST DO COKE AND THEN CALM DOWN
How many people slept in the bouncy castle last night?
4 guys, 1 girl. Pretty sure were gonna have to pay the cleaning fee
I feel like it went downhill once I decided we should take $100 tequila shots.. oops lol
I love the fact that my Mom has been present at 90% of my drug deals.
I was chasing pulls of fireball with bites of a bagel and yelling at people to take tequila shots with me. I shouldn't be allowed to go out alone.
You know I base where I go on the likelihood of me getting laid there. This includes work.
90% sure the total babe I have been talking to all night has a kid. Ugh, so sad right now.
Im so high
Jesus fucking Mary Christ if I have to clean shit out of my fucking bathtub one more fucking time I'm gonna murder a fucking kitten
Randomize
