JOSHUA! WE ARE SO BREAKING UP!
what?
YOU'RE DRUNK AGAIN, ARENT YOU?!
I think you should know he took my pants (buttons and zippers included) and my thong off with his mouth alone. I found my husband
You know its bad when you can over hear the planned parenthood nurses talking shit behind your back... they've seen everything
You remember those guys we called the police on after they stole our keg? Turns out one of them is a student instructor in one of my classes. Figuring out how best to use this information.
You basically tried to anal probe my passed out friend with a lamp
He tried to cuddle with me after we hooked up and i just looked at him and said why are you still here?
Need. Hospital. Physically am floating.
I need a thor helmet and I need to find my heavy duty drinking mug
You got pulled on stage by a stripper who wore ruffled ankle socks and did jumping jacks for her dance. Then you were put in a chokehold by a security guard that almost cried because you supposedly said "fuck you!" to him.
Definitely but only if you hit on the 16 year old in the karate class as part of your waffle and gin fueled sexually deprived rage.
I distinctly remember telling him "I'll suck your dick while you eat pizza"
well whats the tarot card for I'm totes going to be schlobbing his cob? because that's in his future.
All I'm saying is Europe has not been easy on my vagina.
I woke up this morning and my house is covered in shredded cheese with my laptop open and a google image search for "awesome shit".
They stopped fighting to partake in M&Ms and porn.
Randomize
