if being creepy is wrong, then i don't want to be right
why do married chicks ALWAYS cry after?
She is totally STD
Is it a bad omen that my phone auto corrects dtf to STD
If my body was a temple, I pissed all over the front stairs last night..
He stole her cigarettes and walked 15 miles just so he wouldn't have to wake up next to her. God I love being a lesbian.
I FUCKING SERVED PEOPLE AND POURDED JUGS AND GOT FREE BEEEEEEEERERTERRY
oh wow I have been there. Hell one time Matt and I woke up naked with pizza rolls in the bed.
Its kind of weird knowing that im only seeing you that day to fuck in some woods
We ended up debating which Food Network host would do best in porn.
Just got offered a dog by two Meth head's one of which wasn't wearing shoes and continually saying "fuck"
I realized I used a copy of a biography of JFK as pillow last night...
Happy Fourth.
I found my spirit animal in the shower. It's a sloth/bear that lives in my chest.
Clothes make me feel like a responsible adult and that's just not something I'm ready to handle.
It's the Ides of March, motherfucker. That means we're supposed to daydrink, right?
You’re about to have a sober threesome with a rando at a Fenway bar?
Randomize
