I just remembered Dan asking me all polite in the middle of sex "do you mind if I get behind you?" that was the most polite way I've been asked to do it doggy style
she got pretty angry when i tried to superglue her fingers together.
Before you say anything, my vagine does NOT discriminate against young dads
Ive yelled into your vagina. There are few lines we haven't crossed at this point.
We were thinking he might be gay. Like how the fuck do you not even make out with a girl that made you a grilled cheese
Important update! My next door neighbours have a canoe. Repeat: THEY HAVE A CANOE! We are having sex in it before this summer is over.
I'm pretty sure at any given moment you could wring out my liver and get a couple of shots of jäger.
She rode an inflatable shark down the stairs. Viva shark week.
RE-DICK-YOU-LUSSSSS
That's me emphasizing the ridiculous
So I wore a corset to school. Fuck laundry.
So I guess I bought a cat last night. Fuuuccckkk.
Took his shirt off. Announced he was Jesus. Threw up. Asked me to cuddle him to sleep. And then tried to kiss me. Typical Saturday night.
He threw up on my head while I was blowing him, and then I started barfing, and the kitchen floor was a mess. Believe me, he will never, ever live this down.
We were walking to the bar with a group of people and literally made 4 stops in people's lawns garages or random walls for him to eat me out
You know how last week before we left I was drinking outta that blue cup and I left it sitting across the road. Well, it hadn't moved and my family just found it, brought it inside and cleaned it. I think this cup is my soulmate.
Randomize
