True but thats because hes a fetus.
That ginger could cleveland steamer me and it would still be the best day of my life
Her bacne/racne was so bad it was like having sex with bubble wrap.
We have video of him nailing the sex doll to my wall and putting all the monopoly pieces in her nose
Dude. I only took a 20 out the ATM last night. How do I have 83 ones?
You stole from the strippers again. I wish I was ninja like you
when the officer asked him if he had been drinking, he just goes, "yeah, you?" then falls onto the table.
My phone keeps autocorrecting to the "st. Natty's Day Parade" and I'm completely okay with that
Why would I take you home? That would eliminate the chances of you making bad decisions I could ridicule you about later.
If God invented something better than rough, drunken, lesbian sex he kept that shit to himself.
We just banged and he's microwaving shrimp noodles and I'm eating tostitos alone in the dark this is why our relationship works
Stop leaving buckets of wine at my house.
I shit like a lady though so that rarely happens
I can't believe there are people our age getting engaged and I can't even find a solid coke dealer.
it's like i'm your dad, but instead of reminding you to bring your lunch to school i remind you to take a good long hit from your bong.
I had a date last night. His dog threw up in his bed while we were having sex in it.
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