Let's make love on the newspapers that declare financial doomsday
I definitely ripped a mole off of her back in the process
She told me I was starting to look like a mermaid with herpes and I needed to stop it.
he asked me to marry him on one of those scrolling message belt buckels.... what now?
i just realized i've hooked up with every boy in this taco bell
That's the classiest thing you've ever said.
She threw up all over when she was giving me dome. Not even gonna lie, it felt really good.
just woke up in a hotel room.. realizing its the hotel i work at.. lets see how this walk of shame turns out
A university police officer just hhigh fived me when i drunkenly stumbled into Aderhold. Fucking 5 o'clock somewhere.ITS IN CASABLANCA RIGHT NOW! TIME ZONES!
Lots of rum and cokes. Bartender wore my underwear on his head. Lost my keys. Accidentily started a fight. DC is going to kill me
let's see, i ended up walking for an hour towards a macdonalds that didnt exist, sprinted full tilt into a powerline, and left a 30 dollar tip to a waitress at dennys we made friends with. I REGRET NOTHING
A nice make out session never hurt anyone. Plus he's a pilot, so he'll know the safety procedures for when the night crashes and burns.
She flashed them and they let her pay with Monopoly money. I'm married, so it is your obligation as my best man to repeatedly fuck her for me
He's a psychology major, so instead of becoming a stripper, I'm just working out my daddy issues with him. And his cock. And spankings.
They're much more educational now btw. Don't judge.
My fridge is empty and all of my food is in the bathtub. Just.. Why?
the twins are trying to figure out which one is the one doing body shots off a janitor in this picture
Randomize
