he made me salute his american flag boxers before i took them off
Yeah, she'd be cute...but she has faith. It's a problem down south.
someone, somewhere in austin has to have a muppet
Bought a water-proof vibrator. Rubber ducky is no longer the one that makes bathtime so much fun.
I consider it a successful poop when you only have to wipe once.
I want Paula Dean to narrate shark week next year
I'm not sure how exactly, but this funeral has turned into a ridiculous night of drinking games
I love waking up with his head head between my legs, it makes me feel special
He got 20 stiches.. Who knew so much damage could come from a single shopping cart.
I had this image of some guy in a taco truck down by the IMA accosting you for a peep show.
I was drunk while I accepted my job offer. Here's to growing up.
I opened my bookbag to put my laptop in and I found two granola bars and a pregnancy test. I am clearly prepared for life
He wants another date...I mean he's cute, but I just am not ready to give up my glamorous single-girl lifestyle here.
you mean the one where you drink out of the carton and don't wear pants?
Yeah, and pee with the door open. It's the little things.
You thought they were asking for volunteers for a karaoke contest so you jumped up not realizing it was actually a "last 3 minutes boxing match". But you took that right hook like a champ.
my roommates are pretty pissed at me. they sent me out for ice and i came back with a kitten.
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