When I woke up his cat was sleeping on my face and i had scratch marks on my neck. not happy.
only room for one pussy in that bed.
I have one thing to say: spongebath.
I wish that wasn't all you had to say. And by that, I mean I wish you hadn't said that at all.
I don't care where my tongue is but i t's going to be in all the pictures.
You said you were collecting Asians for your Kate Gosselin costume.
i just used my scantron for my final to make paper shotglasses. i'd say i passed in flying colors.
Yes. Being a lesbian's wingman is a fun as it sounds
Wise words from the guy who drunkenly chipped his teeth on the sidewalk
Crosswalk actually
I wonder if our vaginas are like "o thank god, no strangers breaking in tonight." Baahhhh sooo bad
The bar tenders gave me the number for a "taxi"... It's just a dude with a van. In retrospect, pretty sketchy. Robert was cool though.
I'll be home next weekend. Its mothers day. Let's party just enough so we are frightened it might be our first
YOU ARE THE WORST TRAVEL AGENT! THIS IS A SINGLES CRUSE FOR SENIORS. THEY ALL THINK IM THE FUCKING WAITRESS JUST CAUSE IM BLACK!!!
You decided it was too difficult to walk down the stairs so you just rolled across his kitchen floor laughing like a maniac and trying to drink at the same time
He has been feeding me cheesecake and candy for breakfast. Naked. For three days. How am I ever going to leave????
Stop fucking Sharon's exes.
Sorry it took me so long to reply. I was fucking Sharon's ex.
Sitting in a music store. There is a 40 something year old guy in a track suit, with a boner, and playing the ukelelie quite intensely.
thanks for thinking of me.
Randomize
