Admittedly I was a little ambitious with some of the positions but you walked in during the worst of it.
jacking off on stolen wireless... gotta enjoy the small things in life
Put cigar in mouth backwards. Plz remind to check for scar in morning, can't feel it now. Screwdrivers are like morphine.
You puked on my feet last night. You owe me a pedicure.
Unless your apartment has 3 am pancakes Im not coming over.
On a scale of one to liver failure, how bad would it be if I played thunderstruck alone?
My mom asked me if I ever go on dates. I had to suppress the urge to ask if having casual sex with a freshmen counts as dating
I just used my VA prescription bottle of xanax to get a military discount at the liquor store. I win.
Only you could get away with that.
I just went to add a song I had never heard before to my "high as fuck" playlist and it was already there.
So I'm hiding in my bathroom smoking bowls because my landlords kids came over to visit my dog... My life has reached a new low
I'm going to talk him into letting me tie him up, and then just leave him that way and go meet you for fro-yo.
I found a used condom in my purse this morning. It was in there with a bunch of smushed french fries.
Compositionally, that's actually a really nice picture.
And your penis looks really nice too.
Hey I’m obsessed with Charlie Heaton from stranger things...not because he got caught at the border with coke...okay that’s a lot of it
He still want's to kick my ass for fucking his sister, probably a bad idea to leave the bar with his ex...
Randomize
