Her mom drove me home after I blew a .13 So there I am wishing her mom a happy mother's day sitting in the passenger seat where I just banged her daughter 15 min prior
She made a guy cry in the bar. I will have her, oh yes, I will have her..
Bruises. Everywhere. Table sex is dangerous
Okay, lets just agree to keep all cutlery related activities to a minimum.
be proud. or at least amused. an 18 yr old and a 25 yr old at least makes my average hookup age this week the same as my age.
also, i am in no position to judge as my life choices today went along the lines of "YAY VODKA". for breakfast.
So stoned i forgot i was in bed
When we were eating pie last night, I dropped some, and not only did you not judge me for far surpassing the 5 second rule, you let me use your foot to sock mop with. You're a good friend.
Don't ever feel guilty about what you put in your mouth best advice my gma ever gave me lmao
Well I woke up and my arm was bleeding. And my blood is on the wall in the hallway.
Umm
No idea. I blame fireball.
Valid.
he just fluffed my hair and told me I had to dance with him because we were both gingers.
Fly, little bird! Repopulate the ginger race!
I feel like I should remember what we did after leaving the party because apparently a llama was involved, but all I can manage is the part where I asked you to cuff my ankle to the bed so I wouldn't backflip away.
best way to lose double chin? blow jobs. I am fucking hurting.
First day in a very long time I've done more pushups than bong rips
I'm gonna try and get through this weekend sober, which is gonna be tough especially since I've already started drinking.
Randomize
