So, we're in the car ready to fuck and she asks about my ex. I wave at my lap and say, "bye". She asks what I'm doing. I say, "waving goodbye to my erection"
I feel like we're taking advantage of the fact that our R.A has cerebal palsey.
i just thought that perhaps i was done with the "boning on someone else's futon" stage of my life. guess not.
For someone only wearing socks and a cast, I felt reallyy overdressed
You asked her to play "the coma game" with you while hooking up, and then passed out in her bed. She couldn't wake you up so she slept on the floor.
Looks like I won that one
The thumbs up barstamp on my hand is mocking my hangover with its positivity.
I, soberly, gave myself a concussion trying to take a pic of my vagina. Fuck you and your hangover.
Because I know nothing is hotter than ocean themed dick pics on SnapChat...
Say what you want about my van, but I've got more action there than in my apartment. A body pillow and a joint still go a long way!
I found you laying in a field of grass near the trail I jog on in the morning like a drunken Bambi.
I know you just got bad medical news... But want some moonshine?
So high I legit spent 20mins in the shower just holding my tits cuz they feel bigger than normal.
So it turns out strippers do encores if enough people yell. Encore song: Self Esteem.
ill give you some hints: blood, carnival, fog machine, happy meal.
Well when we Get drunk it gets rowdy. We could always attempt self-control. But historically and statistically speaking, we fail at that.
Randomize
