Motorboating on a tuesday night. not too shabby....
If Billy Mays did an infomercial on your dick, it still wouldn't get you laid.
Michelle Duggar likes to fuuuuck
I feel like I got hit by a truck made out of Jack Daniels.
The only person who has seen my penis more than that girl, is that girl's sister.
Checked out the free sonogram van on campus and got a free DVD of my sweet food baby.
He waited til after we had sex to tell me he had herpes... Ugh I hate being drunk
gave myself the "you're a really good girlfriend" talk on the way to where i intentionally cheated on him. i am my own drunken therapist.
I kinda remember trying to staple rolls of toilet paper to make a pillow, but it's blank after that.
Why am I the only one concerned that there's a dog in the movie theatre?
just used my sex toy cleaning solution to clean my reading glasses. midterms are cramping my styleeee
Not sure how ur night is going, but unless u also saw a naked drunk chick pissing outside i doubt it can top mine
I knew us throwing ourselves at him back in the day would pay off. I'm gonna b a divorcees rebound. Score!
Please tell me those naked pics were not your mom. Lie if you have to.
You asked to borrow my glasses for a moment. Then you whipped them at someone's head.
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