The doctor put me on 3000 mg of amoxicillin a day. Which, for a sinus infection, seems pretty excessive to me.
Maybe he was just trying to knock out any potential ghonorrhea you might be carrying around.
Ah, my reputation precedes me.
Drunkenly found an error on my bar tab last night. THANK YOU ACCOUNTING.
I think I just puked all over my comforter and my roomdmate won't wakt up to washc it for me
You tried feeding my python vodka through a funnel. Fuck off.
He left his own bachelor party to bring me weed. Then smoked with me. Tell me I'm not his favorite-ex-friends-with-benefits.
In your defense, I really thought capturing that alligator would have been a lot more awesome and a lot less tragic.
RIP Mr Bojangles.
Wanna skype?
Can your lips gently and pleasantly suck on my balls via skype? If not, then no.
I just woke up eating some beef jerky with my cat. I think she opened the bag for us.
Can't. Busy recovering from the worst pulled muscle of my life that I got either from excessively acrobatic boning or carrying a huge fucking ice luge down the street while wearing 4 inch heels
just saw a sign in the bar that says "no more naked fridays". Where the fuck was I on these naked fridays?
Came back with a random sweatshirt, an American flag, and a for sale sign. Mission success?
I got drunk and slept with the guy who looks like Jesus.
Typical.
He said I was doing well, so I stopped mid blow job to compliment his grammar. You could say I like intellectuals
Nothing more awkward that being butt ass naked in a guys bed and his ex wife shows up with his kid....
please god let this picture I just uploaded not have my vagina in it
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