we sang an acapella version of barbara ann to his voicemail...i'm not drinking again until tuesday.
why do they call them blowjobs? ....unless i'm doing it wrong?
I had to puke in a pizza box on the drive home. People saw.
So add panera bread to the places i love to eat that i am potentially banned from.
Ok see being that I'm not present or participating your vague texts "neeeeed that" and "vagina" leave a lot to question.
Be prepared to possibly be invited to a fancy strip club breakfast on Friday and be prepared to say yes.
Remember when you tried to pay that stripper to cry on stage?
The guy at the Apple store said the warranty does NOT cover getting cum out of the keyboard. I can't believe I believed you.
And dildos are 35% off. So. Ya know. Savings.
I forgot to tell you that he serenaded me with "Fuck Her Gently" by Tenacious D. And I didn't hate it.
You fist bumped my dick last night saying good game. That you'll be back for the 2nd game...
Idk if my headache is from the alcohol, the pot brownies, or being dragged down 8 flights of stairs by my ankles because i passed out in the 12th floor girls bathroom by you. Probably a combo of all three.
Our faces when the strip club was closed looked like the grinch just stole Christmas ☹️
Also you think METH is on the same level of wanting to see the movie cats? We’re gonna unpack that later
Your Saturday night was spent at the opera, mine was spent exchanging naked pics with a hot middle aged man that is so ripped that he looks like he's photoshopped. This is why we're blood sisters. We balance each other out.
I hate you so hard.
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