Should I feel badly because I just bought a really hot pregnant girl a drink after I lit her cigarette?
Cuntadactyl. (n). A pre-historic dinosaur of Mandy-like features that is primarily identified by it's inability to play well with others and overall C-word demeanor. Physically, an unfortunate appearance.
he was on top of me and all of a sudden stopped and starting picking his nose...i asked him if he was okay, he sort of looked confused, and he told me he had a booger that hurt. guess its a good thing i wasnt planning on dating this guy
i guess i finally out drove tiger woods this morning..
If you dont, I will tell Dad you are gay.
Fine, and I will tell him you fucked his business partner
Previous statement retracted.
heading to class now, facing the weekend consquences
I wonder if I could sublet my bathtub to anyone.
she's using motion activated glade air fresheners as some sort of early warning system
Only you would get a date out of getting hit by a car
I think the saddest part about my sex life is that most of it is pity sex.
Any idea why the fuck i would replace all the music on my ipod with the fucking Goosebumps theme song?!?
Apparently drunk you is really nostalgic?
I just had sex with the male version of myself. looks, mindset, even our boob to dick ratio was the same
I mean honestly, what would you have done?
Not screw her in the church house?
My whole life is a joke
Yeah. I’m starting to see why you drink so much.
Accidentally texted co-worker instead of bf “I’m wfh tomrw. Nooner? 💦”
Randomize
