So I fucked an Aussie broad with huge feeders last nite 2x... Before banging her she was blowin me & I thought: "SHE IS GOIN DOWN-UNDER ON ME". Laughed out loud
I don't know where I am but the food in the fridge is awesome.
I need to have sex with someone before he does. I need to win this break up!
why does he think he needs to feed/take me out to get some ass? we are at a bar wasting my fucking time
It's sad how good I am at giving people diseases
Can you get arrested or in trouble for punching a dead relative in a casket?
promise me that when we are 32, we will look nothing like Kim Zolciak. Promise me right this instant.
I hooked up with some guy to get over my ex last night. I was terrified until we started doing naked pushups.
Had mirculous sex while watching miracle. Until she got mad that I kept quoting the movie. Not my fault I'm a good multi-tasker
Do you believe in miracles?
Your heart is a swirling cauldron of blackness that does not pump blood but rather a sludgey mixture of evil and broken dreams.
Is it bad that I've been making new friends through your vagina networking? I don't think so
I'd tell u there's strippers to make you get here faster, but that would be a blatant lie... There's strippers here.
Getting free blow from a total stranger, who asked permission to stroke my eyebrows, was the highlight of my evening out. Also, I have a new cuddle dealer.
For a guy who came before his dick was out of his pants, he gave surprisingly good head.
His mom let me come to his house for a Booty call at 4am. She even cooked us breakfast in the morning and told me im a better moaner than his girlfriend of 4yrs.
Randomize
