Tell her she's as useless as a condom.
Sorry, I don't speak sober.
Last nIght I drank wIth the new guy from fellowshIp & my pastor I've known sInce I was 7. It was agreed by them that I had nIce tIts. I'm not weIrded out In fact I'm flattered...
I vaguely remember telling people they were not trash cans
I didn't think it was possible for the human body to be physically dependant on weed until I moved in with this kid
Considering last night's endeavors, I am going to hell 5 times over. 1 for puking on a hobo, 1 for laughing about it, and 3 for remembering it today and laughing about it sober
So for a second i just thought clitoris was a disease.
well at that point we were just fucking to keep warm.
I probably looked like a mental patient. I had my IV in one hand and cup of pee in the other, swaying around with a dazed grin on my face. I love vicodin.
It was that same situation where "cuddling on the floor" was actually just code for "rough shameful hate sex" hahaha.
i told the cop we knew everyone at the party, it was 250 of our closest friends and she's like funny nobody on the balcony knew whose house this was
Thats why they were on the balcony!
It was a fight. Me vs nature and drunkenness. And nature won. Big time.
I was woken up at 6 am by a second grader trying to give me a sweatshirt for a pillow
Did this whole conversation happen while you were shitting?
I just traded sex to frolic with a box of husky puppies. Is this rock bottom?
Randomize
