a guy named alex was hitting on my friend tonight. he doesnt work on wind turbines tho.
Just proof I should've brought the airhorn with me to class.
it was either that or behind a dumpster, and i am way too pretty to pee behind a dumpster
I feel like I just lived out a children's book called "The Day I Went to Law School Stoned"
My puffy vagina and I are on the way to the doctor to see what your mutant penis did to us THANKS A LOT
It feels like a bunch of leprechauns are using my brain as a soccer ball
Until you can top getting paid to have women tell you to check out their ass, my job will remain better than yours
You left me alone with nothing but donuts and my thoughts.
When I wake up, please remind me why my shoe is in the toilet, my shower is filled with jello, and there is a naked girl sleeping on my coffee table holding a bag of Cheetos. that is all.
I had a glass of wine for breakfast. It's gonna be a rough week.
I'll get tired halfway through and end up passed out at a taco shack honestly
not being a booty call is very strange. Who knew there was so much time for activities at night!
Do you remember vividly describing the shape and girth of my cock to that girl last night?
He's the douchy one who wouldn't let me rip his shirt off, right?
How do I stop your cat from bathing me? I'm afraid she'll get drunk off my sweat
Randomize
