theres a dog humping me and im not going to stop it... i really need to get laid.
i waited two years for her to sleep with me. it just didnt seem worth it.
she lost her virginity three hours after you dumped her.
are you serious?
look to my right... shes dancing like she's playing dance dance revolution and her character is a retarded, drunken moose
Next time we throw a party together I would appreciate it if you didn't try to get my friends to hook up with friends of yours you know have herpes
Her throat is strong enough to gargle peanut butter. I'm sure you were satisfied.
No, i will not have sex with him again. It felt like he was trying to bulldoze his way through me. My vagina is on strike.
i would have thought, that you two being my best friends, one of you would have atleast tried to catch me before i hit the ground after blacking out.
Because of him my new motto is "Keep calm and fuck a guy with a beard". Yes, I am serious.
he gifted me a vibrator as he was breaking up with me. you tell me how my night went
So I got lost trying to find you guys and ended up proposing to a bride in a bachelorette party with a condom.
The 4th is next week. If we don't get to a new level of high, we will be letting down George Washington.
Get his dick out of your ass and put on some pants we're here
Got out of the uber to projectile vomit in the McDonald's drive thru. Gonna take a break from the Cuervo for a while.
I will 100% jerk off using my own tears as lube before I'd ever bang a 4.
I did not get pleasing results from googling “Bob Ross goat”
Randomize
