He's marrying her, which means that she is his most important person in the world, so you gotta deal with it...okay?
dude i was like still drunk, taking pictures of her while she was naked and asleep and she woke up
haha what'd she say
i don't know man, something about us dating. but i never talked to her sober so i said i was making breakfast and snuck out of her house. close calls man WTF
The cops found weed in michael jacksons house today...it makes up for the child molesting, I like him more now.
She's like Mona Lisa when she's intoxicated. No one understands her but they all think she's marvelous
Or they can chase TEQUILA shots with it. I don't know why my phone capitalizes TEQUILA.
he turned down sex AND sandwiches. who the hell does that?!
We attempted to microwave fifteen corndogs in the microwave and may have ruined it. Also there were fake mustaches on all of his appliances...he said he doesn't like drunk me.
Have bite marks on my arm where my temporary tat was Saturday night. Did someone try to bite Captain America or something?
One of the many mysteries surrounding the weekend...
I just want to pat him on the head, bake him some cookies, and reassure him that, someday, he will get laid.
Lying naked in bed eating carrot cake of off my bare breasts while watching Family Guy. Tonsilitis isn't all bad!
The only time we had a decent conversation was when he was on acid, and, like, that's not a great start to a relationship.
logically I know i should probably study somewhere outside my dorm room, but if I do that then I cant drink and smoke half as much while i study
Basically I think I'm replacing men/sex with theme parks.
HIS DICK IS GLORIOUS AND I WANT TO RIDE IT TO VALHALLA
When you wake up and wonder why your bleeding and it feels like you jumped into a ceiling fan, dont worry. Ill explain it all when I wake up.
Randomize
