This is some kinda fucked up sordid doggy brothel peepshow bullshit.
sorry i'm running a bit late. had to shave my brittney...was looking more like rapunzel. clearly i've been having a drought.
He's got a pretty small dick but he's a total sweetheart. I'm gonna buy a new dildo and just deal with it.
Come on. It's already happy hour in Europe...Man up. "I'm at work" and "it's a tuesday" are not valid excuses.
Let's just cut to the chase. I'm not interested in anything romantic but I aAM interested in Tom Petty and maybe getting high and fucking you again for old times sake.
just spent $80 on an im sorry breakfast from mcdonalds for everyone sleeping in my apartment for being a drunkass and locking everyone out of the apartment at 2am.
Got paid to make out with a girl. It takes skill to be this drunk and still make money
We went to the casino to try to earn enough money to go to new Orleans comfortably. I'm already drunk. This is a horribly immoral start to summer.
Today, my boyfriend informed me that I look like my dad when I orgasm
I was trying to be quiet until started to feel like my cock was being dipped in a rainbow and then I stopped caring temporarily
do you know how hard it is to bring up the "what do I do if you conk out while we're fucking" conversation while maintaining the dignity of.the narcaleptic girl you just met?
You slid down a wall, tried to pull your cast off and yelled that casts were too conformist.
There is nothing worse than the batteries of your vibrator dying on valentines day
This girl just said she was late for class because she was having sex.
My favorite part of you downing a fifth of fireball in my apartment by yourself is the shot glass in the sink. It's like you attempted moderation and were just like "Fuck this."
Randomize
