get your tongue out of his mouth and answer your phone. if your not doing more than making out i'm gonna be so pissed. i'm about to sleep in your car bitch
we found you eating frozen orange juice with a spoon and then drinking vodka from the bottle.
He's sitting on the floor holding his bracket and crying, literally crying... he just keeps saying "Kansas how could you?" over and over
new excercise plan: walk a mile get a bj then walk a mile home
its like she was born with a silver dick in her mouth
I'd like to thank you fucktards for dumping the WHOLE box of Tricuits in my bed after I passed out.
just cuz theres a goalie doesnt mean i cant commandeer the goal and become a way better goalie
WE COULD TOTALLY DO ECSTASY AND GO TO THAT CAT SHELTER OFF OF BROADWAY.
I bought a sword. Make the proper arrangements.
you were afraid hed set himself on fire so you dumped a box of baking soda on him
I'm sitting on the toilet eating a Chick-Fil-A breakfast sandwich. How's your Monday?
i guess i fuck people who own bucket hats so i can't talk shit
I am the most hated person in hoboken. Ive been doing drunken cake boss impressions down the street for the past 20 mins.
Your vagina is awesome, like it needs to teach a class for other vaginas
She’s the kind of asshole whose face I want to put on a T-shirt just so I can go outside and burn it.
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