we put the last xanax in the middle and played hungry hungry hippos to see whod get it
fair is fair
the beat of "birthday sex" is shockingly similar to my dry heaving rhythm. it's making me nauseous all over again.
My dealer, who also happens to be a male stripper, just invited me to watch him perform tonight. Boundaries buddy, boundaries.
I just want a box on franzia all to myself. Just me, my wine, my tears, & my self loathing.
But I love Penises too much to give up on them. My phone capitalized Penises. It's like it knows I respect them
But i don't feel like talking to him right now. I woke up an hour ago to a picture of his penis and I AM NOT A MORNING PERSON.
I mean... It's a win/win situation. I mentor the kid for an hour and then I get to fuck his mom. I know deep down I'm helping them both
I don't know. I was also picked up by the doormen and held over the bar so I could do an upside down shot out of a bartenders tits.
Yeah I made some freshmen feed me oddles of noodles and I passed out
A little boy in a bathroom stall just shouted "mom where's your penis?? Is it inside you?"
You're like Jane Goodall in a forest of gay men. Someday your autobiography will be called "Bottoms in the Mist".
Remind me to tell you how I've been deaf since Sunday at 1245
To the point, I hope I remember where to put my dick when I finally get laid again
You have a 50 50 chance
So now your dad has seen my tits. You could have told me he was coming by to help paint.
I didn't think you'd be painting the kitchen topless.
I couldn't find a shirt I was willing to ruin.
Word. I want it involving like... sing-a-longs and sniffing glue.
Randomize
