this girl looks like the female version of brooke hogan
So baked. Thought the twigs on the sidewalk were caterpillars with the ability to harden in self defense. Had to pick one up to be sure.
who knew getting puke in ur hair could make it look so cute and curly. minus the crusty puke part
he cried for an hour, then he threw up on my lap then started singing party in the usa...opera style...
It was awful until we put her on a word ration. And she rationed her words accordingly. I love blondes.
You now know someone who has just successfully talked his way out of being arrested for breaking into the town library at midnight. Ive been home for too long.
Please come fuck me. I had the worst sex of my life the other night and I need to be reminded that sex is actually enjoyable
I think he pocket dials me so much because I'm in his phone as 'Air Mattress'
oh sorry. I thought "boat" was code for "penis"
I mean, you have to swipe right on someone you had sex with last week though, right?
he just used a semicolon in the middle of a sext
moral of my life: don't tell a guy you want to have sex with him. he'll get back together with his ex.
We celebrated Cinco the right way. We took shots of 1800 then he fucked me while Selena was on TV in the background
I'll seduce him with my charm, after all, I am a graceful swan.
More like a demented cow.
The frequency with which I change my vibrator batteries is getting a little ridiculous....
Randomize
