No touching my privates on the ride to school. Pinky swear.
It was laundry day and I was wearing last xmas undies. he took one look and went...you's a ho, ho, ho. my response you ask? for less dough, dough, dough. I'm a slut.
with a sacreligious after taste.
do you think they make "congratulations unfit mother" greeting cards?
or abortion recommendation cards.
Can you explain my first weekend back, because there a lot of blacked out gaps and 32 friend requests i would like to know about
I'm sorry, but the way we fuck, they don't make condoms strong enough not to break
At this point do you think buying mom a pot plant would be funny or highly inappropriate?
so i say "rick dont build that sandcastle" and he "says ok i wont" then i wake up and its sandcastle fucking city all over my apartment
as of this morning I have officially vommed on the highways of 6 different countries. It's a proud moment.
he's home with a concussion now...but apparently i'm still the highlight of his freshman year
U were yelling that I wasn't generous or supportive. Then you kneeled and said this weird prayer about the windows and doors of your life.
Drinking and pointing where stuff needs to go is hard stuff.
Nah, he's definitely here somewhere. Whether he survived the night or not is your problem, but I'm pretty sure he's around.
Nothing says "I Love you" like my dick in a pizza box
What does it mean when the bartender gives you 4 straws?
It was like I was gay for pay but except being gay I became straight and instead of for pay it was for coke.
Randomize
