This situation is one cop call away from being a Lifetime movie.
My vagina has officially become a vortex for sexually confused frat guys.
We can talk tomorrow when we're both alert. My mind is somewhere else right now.
Where's it at?
In your pants.
you go from almost hooking up with the hottest guy at the party, to going home with your ex....how is that even mathematically possible
He honestly told me my belt was "supercute" when we started hooking up. I would be the girl to find the only straight man in the world that uses the word "supercute".
Should I tell him the real reason I was in the hospital, or should I just keep him thinking the side effect he thought was in for was allergy related, not I just miscarried the child I didn't know we were having?
So immediately after we finished having sex she started singing, "The Circle of Life", put her clothes on and then just left. I think I'm in love.
So I just bought e from my sophomore home ec teacher. How's your weekend going?
I'm so baked, I spent the last hour trying to screencapture the cracks on my phone.
I sense naked hashbrown eating in my near future.
The day I let him eat me out will be the day that Donald trump is an honest, kind, non-bigoted member of society
I just want to get drunk and not have to worry about you leaving me at the bar.
You WHAT?!?!
Paid. A. Homeless. Guy. To. Throw. A. Drink. In. Her. Face.
I fucking love you.
You need to stop leading guys on at bars - you're a lesbian.
And now I'm a lesbian with better self-esteem.
How was your weekend?
My girlfriend decided the best way to get my mind off of my dog dying was to break up with me via text
Randomize
