I'm already going to be stripping so like pretty much you would just be watching me. Also we're watching twilight. again.
I may or may not have just irish jigged at a bar. And broken out in a sweat from it. Not a good sign for that marathon yo.
i cant believe u jumped in someones trunk just to get out of talking to me
i just fucked the bartender on my cruise to get free alcohol. have things gone too far?
I walked downstairs and there were 50 sorority girls. I wasn't expecting an audience during my walk of shame.
i wanna anger bang this girl behind me at work. she never shuts up with her annoying voice. but her boobs are phenom.
Her directions to the house party: "the north star will guide you, turn left. I'm wearing the potato hat"
I just had someone I don't even know on Facebook message me saying it seems like I drink too much and should slow down.
I feel like jumping into a breast pit right now. Like the old school ball pits at mcdonalds.
well, the two that sent pics I've already been with, so at least its not just BAM HERE'S MY PENIS IN YOUR INBOX ENJOY THOSE MEGAPIXELS
Just drug him and when he wakes up be like "you just woke up from a coma, we've been married for the past five years." It'll be like the Vow but fucked up.
Seriously how many times do I have to sleep with him before he stops calling me dude
It's supposed to be a shit show, it's an end of the world party.
I got pull-out-my-nuvaring-drunk last night.
Started dabbing in blow again because he always hated that I did it. Yuh I’m doing drugs but at least I’m doing me?
Randomize
