you ended the night by relentlessly sucking on my hips bone and hand demanding milk. you said it was because you were a tiger
I should have but it might be too early in this fuckbuddyship to emasculate him
I saw a 60 yr old mans penis last night. Just for the record.
I mean really it's like when you're super hungry and you can't decide what to eat, you just know you want food. This is that situation, but for my vagina
The walk of shame out of a freshman dorm isn't so bad when you're 25, nobody questions you because they think youre gonna bust them for having weed
I hate when people see you passed out in your front yard and call 911. Like what, you can't take a nap face down on your steps at 4pm?
OH DEAR GOD. He looks like if u licked him he'd taste like bourbon, sex and sunshine.
Haha yeah that's basically it. He was like "i've always had a thing for you, and even sober i still would do and feel the same way." so glad to know i am worthy of a sober hookup as well.
I woke up with a bloody knee, 6 burn marks on my thigh and glitter nails If anyone asks I'm going to say You came into town
DID YOU REALLY JUST GIVE ME A FIRST BASE SIGN
we managed to melt a few different forms of plastic into the cannibutter....
I curse you to think about Guy Fieri whenever you have sex with your lady.
You know you're gay when you have to have your coworkers explain to you why your bracket is terrible
You gave me the best orgasm of my life. I'm buying you a house
Florida is balancing how much this place sucks with how many vodkas you can have to cope in order to still be allowed on the plane to leave
Randomize
