I like to think it a success when the cops are called
Denial is the first step to alcoholism…and I don't hate it
GM filed for bankruptcy, all the dealerships closed, and it's june and I'm in jeans and a sweatshirt and I'm cold. What is the point of living in this state anymore?
this may or may not be the weed talking, but this is by far the best tasting toothpaste i've ever had
After she threw up on my floor she started singing "this is why I'm hot."
you need to not memorize your credit card number for drunk pizza
So I told her I dislocated my shoulder and she said "well okay. I can either be on top or blow you."
Decisions, decisions.
You just kept screaming "You are no House!!!" at the ER doc trying to stitch your head
just woke up COVERED in glow sticks and glitter. didn't even have to turn the light on to puke.
we used a swiffer mop as a stripper pole.
the best sex is "duke just lost" sex.
He lectured me about the dangers of drugs while wearing a sombrero and doing interpretive dance.
Idk. I'm naked in front of the computer eating ribs. All is right with the world.
That's so nerdy and hot at the same time.
there's still three solo cups of your puke in my basement. so that needs to be solved at some point.
I taped a pair of scissors and a coupon for a waxing on the door. He gets to choose.
Randomize
