cannot fit in my clothes. too depressed to drink.
if you drink enough to puke, it's like a weight loss plan.
i miss vodka and anonymity. college is so rich in both. in college we are a many armed creature, lubricated with beer and sex.
Are you pooping in the stall next to me?
Maybe....
Cause I just heard a fart and it sounded like one of your farts.
We met at my place after separate parties but the condom wrapper was red with hearts and said love. Does that count as a romantic date?
I think I'm finally maturing. I'm happy he found someone. Good for him. I sincerely hope she doesn't choke on his tiny penis.
JUST MADE A FLAMING SLED. MIGHT HAVE 3RD DEGREE BURNS.
My diabetic professor who apparently didn't eat anything all day keeps passing out. I gave him a joint. He's gonna be fine.
All i remember his him yelling yahtzee while pouring beer down her shirt .
I just had my first lesbian experience. Out of spite.
Our group of friends now have more broken bones than reasonable excuses for why they're broken.
I feel like they've probably fucked. Like.. you don't just bring a bitch a Big Mac if you haven't fucked her.
Don't call police on the strange man passed out in his car in the driveway. I'll be home around noon to collect him.
Did I send you a naked snap the other day with a fat blunt in my mouth with the caption "$1200 bitches!" ?
Wanna bang and Pregame work? I know you're the manager just promise to not fire me
Your english degree would kill itself if it could read that text.
maybe a couloe typos.. noooooooooo big deal
Randomize