When she talks to me all I hear are 5 generations of inbreeding speaking.
Just pooped at the strip club. NOT NORMAL . I may be a little too comfortable here.
She poured beer through the deck into the hot tub. She called it a deck shot. It was horrifying but super awesome at the same time.
All I really remember is thinking that the music looked like beautiful lizard waves in my head
he just kept repeating "those were some pretty nipple-y tits" over and over the rest of the night
i spent 45 minutes yellng Heather I feel so bad i wanna die and then 45 more yelling I DONT WANNT TO DIE. thats how drunk i was
I saw the attitude and didn't even try. Line of the night from one guy who talked with them for a while said, "I don't meet you standards. I have a job and would treat you well." She was blank faced.
So last night I turned down multiple drinks because "I didn't want to hold them". It's time reevaluate my decisions
I tried to trade my phone for pizza last night. I guess I had priorities last night
But of course I'm in. After all, what fun would the holidays be without trying to find the perfect gift to impress someone you've never met, but need the approval of??
This is gonna be the kind of weekend where if it involves putting on pants, it ain't happening.
He said he loved me more than Kel loves orange soda
the result of growing up in the '90's
Uess honpr I rememebrt hEzS cuter
You'll have to translate that into sober in the morning.
in fetal position in his closet not sure if he knows im here... hugging his spongebob cake pan i stole.... now please come find me..
Hungover at Subway, watching a business guy try to squeeze his way past my car to get into his. Bitch shouldn'ta parked over the line.
You truly are a temple of morality.
I am the night, I am justice, I am currently watching the fat biz guy pay a frat boy to back his car up for him so he can get in.
Randomize
