So I just watched the Lakers/Magic game so I could have something to talk about with him after we have sex this time
How was last night?
She looked like Delta Burke in her fat Designing Women days ... and she just left like 2 minutes ago. Right after breakfast.
It's 10am, I'm at grocery store buying booze b/c the bf just told me that he didn't "technically" break up with his ex.
She said she never had to courage to go fully shaved. Since when did shaving your snatch become courageous?
I don't know what part of vegas I'm in but its definately the wrong part
I think the puke all over the side of my car actually improves its appearance.
As payment for all the times you have babysat me while im drunk, im giving you the shorts i stole from the guy i stayed with on friday night. They're clean. Come get em.
Well, you know sobriety isn't something I like to do on the reg.
Is it acceptable to cry on a Friday or am I supposed to drink to forget it?
We took your mom out drinking and we wound up winning 18 games of Flip Cup. You have amazing genetics.
You are the jesus of drinking
I am watching xfiles and eating microwaved cookiedough, and I see nothing wrong with it.
I looked into this "it's just lunch" matchmaker thing and it was like 5 grand. If I'm gonna spend five grand I'll throw in another three and get new tits and find my own fucking husband.
I'm just going to assume my unresponsive booty calls are just preparing for the women's march tomorrow
I woke up with a pillow, shampoo and a plant in my fridge. Eggs in the toilet, and I was wearing three pairs of girls underwear. What happened last night
Randomize
