butt plug
anus plug
rubbish cock?
yes
you suck at this game today
what is it about summer that misdirects my moral compass so much?
the boy next to me on the plane handed me a shot glass, then a perkaset, and told me to have a good week off..hellllo spring break.
my way of studying for our final tomorrow: registering online to retake the class in the fall
Friends bring friends secret work margaritas. my pink water bottle is in the cupboard
I would think I was a stalker too if I wasn't myself
I just opened my filing cabinet at work for the first time in months. It looks just like my pantry: nothing but peanut butter and whiskey.
I just saw him carrying his little sister while walking his puppy. And he was shirtless. I swear my ovaries just exploded
If I come home tho and find u passed out naked in my bed with the bottle of crown empty, we're gonna have issues.
I'm sorry, I can't help the fact that I like to sleep naked, and I like booze, together it looks bad, yes.
Last night I was this close to hooking up with someone called "Handjob Pat" dubbed for the time he paid $150 for a handjob in Canada.
He's like a unicorn and I just wanna domesticate him
I can't believe you won 5 grand from the casio last night and spent more than 80% on tacobell and strippers already
We are all done wearing pants today
New goal find someone I love enough to use these Japanese pancake flavored condoms on
I probably should have told her I was actually the drunkest one there before she let me pierce her ear
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