they started a semi-successful rumor that toby keith died. who says fraternities don't have goals
I returned the dress. When they asked for the reason for return I said, 'I don't deserve to wear white'.
I want you to tape your fingers together and give me a lobster claw hand job.
the fact that i fell through a skylight is the least humiliating part of the night
you were crying and trying to give advice to people.. that's was a new level of drunk for you
Received a verbal warning at work for "riding in a trash receptacle, violating professionalism & infection control."
I gave him head in my cape. On the kitchen floor. Watching a show about bacon.
Somewhere between the 30 minutes of cunnilingus, the improvised song about the Olympics, and the super thoughtful shower beer... I knew I married the right guy
He stopped responding after the animal pictures... I do this EVERY TIME.
You were great dude. You wanted to charge the guy with fedora $100 to get in.
this hospital has no fireball
I just fell off a roof. So I'm kinda chillin for a minute.
Woohoo! Instead of a pregnancy test you can buy me a burrito
Okay but look at his jawline. I NEED TO RIDE IT.
I don't care that he's really strong. I need him to make me cum not fix my back problems
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