I have a new suitor he got my # last nite... I was to tipsy to function! What was I thinking!! It's like u when u first met me
I am at The Loft in SoNo, and there are two girls within arms reach that are making out with each other AGGRESIVELY. Like I can see 100% of a boob
For future reference, this is Trevors little sisters phone now. Trevs number is 484 XXX XXXX. Great story tho
I just saw a midget ride by on a scooter...wearing a bowtie and a helmet. My life is complete.
Pretty sure I just became the first person ever to use the word "boner" in a wedding card...
I bought a dress specifically for face plant durability... this is how serious I am about my drunk status this weekend
I left boob prints on the hood of his car. Something to remember me by.
just start off by saying "hey, i cockblocked my friend last night and need to make it up to him, could you help?"
merry christmas to all and to all I give the mystery rash.
Correction... Drunk on winter break. There are no days of the week on break.
I just washed out an empty chocolate milk bottle to take whiskey on my bike ride.
You are not an adult
You forgot the part where I played Slip and Slide with my own puke and fucked up my knee.
I didn't have cash to pay cover at the bar, so I traded the bouncer a Krispy Kreme doughnut i had in my purse
I wish you could just Google "people I've had sex with" and they would all just come up
I butt dialed her mom while cheating on her. Needless to say Christmas will be awkward.
I told him I was studying his body for art, so now I have to actually do a drawing of him to not look like a creep and so we can hook up again.
Randomize