I bought a Christmas tree in my drunken state last night, after walking a half mile in search of vino and prior to my apparently playing boardgames with my boyfriend's family. There is no way you are on my level.
Everything that you guys said happened came back to me. like a tidal wave of regret.
i just bought plan b at the bus station. happy holidays and welcome to a new level of white trashiness.
Good news: he out-ran the campus police. Bad news: they were chasing him toward the REAL police.
No, I don't not want an upside down piggyback ride. You're drunk and there are rocks.
she's living proof man. somebody has literally pissed in the gene pool
Shit dude that sort of wholesale destruction can't just be done at the drop of a hat
i was trying to figure out what "tidy fucking" was when i realized he meant "titty fucking" and i need to start banging smarter people....
Wanna know what sucks. Banging the bosses daughter at work and having the boss walk in while you are fucking on his desk. Good day though. Made 6 sales
Maybe don't sell him so much adderall next time. The other day during finals he was convinced that he could see the "molecules of life in the air" and kept reaching up slowly to grab them.
My mute roommate is using sign language to ask a guy to fuck her.
Masterbating to Tolstoy. You?
I hate political talk. I just wanna get fucked into an alternate universe where Bernie Sanders is president.
I was trying to come up with a reason why you shouldn't be naked in front of me, and now I have 'If you give a mouse a cookie" stuck in my head
you blew the guy with all the harry potter paraphanelia didn't you
Randomize
