There are just some things I refuse to put in my mouth.
he turned the pretty ricky playlist on. its about to go down.
Just thought you should know the man you CHOSE to father your children has once again fallen asleep on the toilet. thanks mom
I might have beaten my fastest all time record going from "I really really like this girl" to "fuck that bitch"
Got a 72 hour restraining order. Can we meet monday? Let me know!
dude there's a blind guy on the trail using his service dog to hit on girls.
I made out with about ten people last night. And four of them were just on the way to my car from the bar. And one was my roommate.
I'm eating hummus off of my stomach right now.
OMG -- There are strippers in the bathroom crying because their power moves aren't good enough to win the competition
sigh, if only his dick was as big as his mouth
You're wearing pigtails and giving away our kitchen appliances. Clearly, you're drunk.
Jesus I was next level high last night having a mental epiphany about the state of Virginia
You probably shouldn't do that...but if you do take pictures
Soo I'm in the trunk of a car drunk about to jump on trampolines. My life rocks!
You invited these random guys into your apartment that you met in the hallway...& then you started screaming at them to get out cause you didn't know who they were.
Randomize
