so then you were screaming "GIVE ME KELVINS!" and heating things up in the microwave and no one knew what you wanted
I had a terrible day! The only thing that makes me feel better is knowing Jack Bauers day was worse.
Getting stoned and going to costco. If i'm not back by dawn, you know what to do.
Her facebook status is 'PERCS ON DECKKK~' which is probably why she still lives with her parents.
I made him recite stats from the playoffs game last night before I would go down on him.
Of course the bar would go completely silent right as I yell out "I don't have AIDS"
I think shooting the BMW with the bow and arrow is when our group became the evening's antagonist
Telling someone to make good decisions on a Thursday is like telling Santa to be Jewish.
Oh shit. My drunken car sex is on Google Earth.
.It's like gods test of willpower against vaginal comfort
I can't masturbate without laughing really hard at some point and it's entirely your fault.
Thanks for listening. You're the first guy I've ever worked with who I didn't want to fuck.
I woke up in the middle of the night on all fours turning circles in my bed! No more patron for me!
i could have got laid, but instead, i threw up in her hair. you can cross that off the bucket list.
I'm at this party and a blind kid just walked in and asked "where is the fucking pong table"
Randomize
