ok plan lets look hot and dance like whores.
Kanye's agent is the only person whose job sucks worse than mine.
were talking about masturbation in my pysc class. He says it's healthy. I'm gonna live forever
anyone who says 'i love you' and then followed by 'im going to call the cops if you touch me' doesnt really mean the first part fyi
She celebrated a negative pregnancy test by going out to Quizno's. I really don't understand her at all.
Houston, we have a problem
where are u?
Houston. That's the problem. I don't know how I got here.
He passed out while I was riding him, and just when I was about to call it quits he opens his eyes and squeezes my boobs and goes Honk! Honk!
so i never found you. but i found vodka. so its kinda the same
He said he loved me so I pretended not to hear it because I don't think "I love your penis" was the response he was looking for.
The forest. Magic mushrooms. Wind trees leaves sky. That is alll.
I felt so bad for you. Drunk Rachael wanted nothing more than to crawl into the cop car and give you a hug. Luckily Mollied/Barred out Rachael convinced Drunk Rachael this was a terrible idea. So I ran. I have your keys btw
So far I've taken two naps, went out and bought a pizza called the Hipster, and in 15 min I'm gonna make a snow angel. Conquering Snowlandia. How bout you?
I didn't even know this guy existed until he'd had his hands down my pants, so I just went with it.
Oh, and let me go get some popcorn, watching you make your own decisions should be quite the shitshow.
you fell asleep with her panties on your face. how are you surprised??
Randomize
