Job is the problem. Drinking, the solution.
I think I kinda wanna bone that ginger from Harry Potter.
You literally just made my flesh crawl.
this bucketlist has just become an excuse for me to be slutty, and i'm not even ashamed
We're official. Living with your boyfriend sounds so much better than fucking your roommate.
How sober do you have to be to donate blood?
First thought today, I need a ventriloquist dummy that looks like me. This week's project has been determined.
Haha he was not a poor little guy. If he'd talked to me or something I might feel bad. But since I saw him groping other girls as well as myself there's no sympathy coming from me
He's just picking out the right girl. I do the same thing with fruit. Grope them, squeeze them, smell them. I have to know I'm getting quality fruit.
I'm going to crush up my last 7 Percocets into a fine powder and toss my popcorn in it.
On way back. With a shopping cart. Minimal casualties.
then she lifted her dress, tweaked her own nipples, and then ordered another round for everyone. this place is wild at 9pm.
This time tomorrow I'll be fingering you
Oh shit a waiter was leaning over me when i opened that and i felt him pause
Ryan got so drunk he gave a hobo $20 and I had to zip tie him to the bed so he doesn't out stupid himself
Last night you told me you "were too high" and didn't deserve a hashbrown.
This ice cream is 10x better than the sex I had yesterday
DO I FUCKING *LOOK* LIKE SOMEONE WHO HAS THEIR ACT TOGETHER!?!? THE ANSWER IS "NO"!
Randomize
