If I see one more commercial for The Secret Life of the American Teenager, I'm going to punch the next teenage girl I see in the uterus and scream, "Wear a condom!"
Went to bed at 4 in a strangers bed. woke up wearing scrubs, realized i was gonna be late for work so i just wore the same clothes as the day before... i don't have a toothbrush and im pretty sure there is leftover semen in my mouth. at some point i think i was at the beach cuz theres is sand in my underwear. i love newport already.
3 different guys in my psych class know me as 3 different names and said hi to me with all 3 different names-Andrea, Grace, and Bella
I've never been more proud of you
So you threw a sword at me last night
I honestly wish I could say that I was surprised.
Covered in gravy. Never pour gravy while drinking.
I say we start a new tradition. I came up with it all by myself. It's called work out, lay out, black out
Where did this racoon skin hat, stop sign and bag full of tacos come from?
Narnia or $5 pitcher night either way
My g-ma saw your dick-pic and wants you to know I've got a keeper. She says her big whopper died in Korea. Good thing g-pa is still asleep.
Your stoned with a 2 year old in the room....and that makes you want to have babies?!
Seriously you've eaten pizza pockets for every meal for the past 4 days
Well to be fair I wasn't alive for breakfast 2 out of 4 days
I'm still me, I just happen to have things in my porn library that you may not have expected
Only you would come out as bi like that
We had sex to Hey Arnold, Rugrats, and All That. I feel like my life has come full circle.
It's not christmas until we're acting sober in front of grandma
At what point did i decide poptarts, nyquil, and whiskey was a good idea?
Woke up with a glow stick in my boobs this morning. Must've dominated Sunday.
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