i just found a plastic monkey in my sweatshirt pocket
Umm I had a plastic mermaid in my pants......
Really
You win
She said her name was "party"
Iced coffee. Banana. Two dumps. Life is good.
A chick at the bar last night took my black berry, looked at my Brick Breaker score and told me she couldnt take someone that has a lower score than her seriously.
i like that you affectionately refer to him as "creepy" ever time you talk about him
I wish there was some sort of "recently added" function for blackberrys so i could see what random numbers i got from the night before
Out of desperation, I used the leftover sauce from my goat masala as a mixer for vodka shots.
According to you, you were with your "Eskimo bro for life" last night.
Saw the same Luigi I hooked up with last Halloween. Still in his same Luigi costume and scruff that hurt my face
It's so hard to fall asleep when I can hear your genitals smacking against hers. I hate you with all the love in my heart.
You can trust me. I'm unemployed and not wearing pants.
Someone called asking about the gate code and I said "hashtag" for # instead of "pound." Ugh. I feel so dirty.
I hate being on my period . Did you know that by the time I'm 30 I would've wasted 1,176 days of my life I could've had sex but couldn't bc I was on my period.
This is why I should’ve just stuck with blow jobs. I’m good at blow jobs. Blow jobs never fail me.
I KEEP THINKING INAPPROPRIATE SEXUAL THOUGHTS ABOUT YOU AND I AM SORRY.
Randomize
